Given that we’re coming into spring break I thought this was timely…

So Patagonia did not directly burn my phallus. However, the shorts/pants that I have enjoyed for years as my go to adventure ass coverings, known as the Quandary line have let me down in a pretty uncomfortable way. 

Let me explain. I was recently in a super warm tropical place and was wearing one of the two new Quandary shorts I purchased off of worn wear Patagonia. I already have a pair, but the size is too big in the waist, so I got the correct size and was super happy! But then I spent the day on the beach from probably 10am to dark on the night before I flew home. Some swimming in the pool, some in the ocean. Ironically I was like “it’s my last day I hope I get more of a tan!” You see I had been slathering or should I say spraying on the sun protection because being in a wintry climate and then heading south can get one pretty cooked pretty quickly. 

When I woke up at the godawful time of 445am I felt a burning sensation. On my pee hole. And the little army guy’s helmet was tomato colored. The fabric of my boxers was obnoxiously working against me in this situation. I was mucho crudo and then had to get on an airplane. These were not ideal times.  

A week has gone by and my gentlemen’s sausage has started to act like a snake molting. Anything sexual is out of the question aside from impure thoughts of course. 

In conclusion this seems like the sun just burnt me right through the material when I was out in it all day. My question is whether or not the Patagonia actual surf trunks I have, or any other actual swim trunks would have avoided this “penistastrophe??”

Curious to hear other people’s thoughts, and for the record I’m not looking for Patagonia to do anything but it seems SPF in clothes is actually a thing. Crotchal regions beware!!!

Love Dilley